GUESS WHO'S COMING TO COFFEE (Click PODCAST)

STORY SALON presents

GUESS WHO'S COMING TO COFFEE

an evening of stories presented by

Donna Allen-Figueroa

& Tony Figueroa

Friday, August 26th, 8:15pm

at the Coffee Fix

12508 Moorpark St

(Across from Studio City Library)

Studio City

818.762.0181

My Odeo Channel (odeo/be4f2d9049030aa6)

The people at the Cable Company shouldn’t use the words people say on Cable. (Click PODCAST)

As a Child of Television I have a big pet peeve with my cable company. Make that many pet peeves. For starters, they change about every two years. As soon as one company promises me something, that company gets bought out by different company who doesn’t want to honor the prior company’s agreement. Once while upgrading my cable box the cable guy (who showed up sometime between 9 AM and 5 PM), broke an antique rocking chair then ran out of the house faster than the high-speed modem that their Tele-marketers keep trying to sell me every other day at dinnertime. I’ll see an ad for a new cable channel like the "Door Knob" channel. In the ad they will say, "If you don’t currently get the "Door Knob" channel, call your cable operator and say I want the "Door Knob" channel". I called my cable operator and said, "I want the "Door Knob" channel". I could tell that cable company sales rep had reached her saturation point and is about to go postal. But at least they never called me "Bitch Dog".

Last week I saw Keith Olbermann (Countdown with Keith Olbermann) interview an Illinois woman, LaChania Govan, who tried to report a problem with her Broadband service, she had called several times only to be put on hold, disconnected, and transferred to the Spanish language operator. After she had complained over and over again about the poor service, she discovered that someone at her cable company, Comcast, had replaced her name on her August bill with the phrase "Bitch Dog". Ironically Ms. Govan works in customer service. Comcast has responded by firing the two employees responsible, and issued a public apology.

I have worked many customer service jobs in my life and have seen coworkers fired for a lot less. Understand I am a member of three unions (Screen Actors Guild, AFTRA and IATSE) and have worked for many years as a shop steward and have advocated workers rights. Even though I can not condone someone changing Ms. Govan’s name to "Bitch Dog" on her bill, I can only imagine Cable Company Support Reps take a lot of abuse from subscribers. I think that Comcast should investigate working conditions of their support reps before someone replaces the phrase "Going Postal" with "Going Cable". After all they know where we live.

To quote Comcast spokeswoman Patricia Andrews-Keenan, "We only use the actual customers names on the bill".

Gee, I wonder whom LaChania Govan made the cable payment check out to.

Stay Tuned


Tony Figueroa

Another Quick Note to "The Parents Television Council". RE: Pat Robertson

You guys missed another one.

Pat Robertson's Killer Comment Annoys ABC Family

Did you notice that this was said on ABC Family?

Confessions of a Toon Head. (Click PODCAST)

As I mentioned in CHILD OF TELEVISION: O Brothers, Where Art Thou? that, "I love cartoons (In fact I’m surprised that I have not dedicated a column just to animation)". When I started to piece together this week's column I kept tangenting off to another Toon topic. I quickly realized that I had enough material for several columns. So let me start this one by repeating that I love cartoons especially the classic Looney Tunes & Merrie Melodies, the old Paramount black & white Popeye cartoons and the classic MGM Tom & Jerry series that I grew watching on TV. My all time favorite cartoon is still Rabbit Seasoning (1952) where Daffy Duck says the famous line, "Pronoun trouble". These cartoons have stood the test of time. I can watch them as an adult and enjoy them on a totally different level than when I was a kid. We forget that these classic cartoons were written for adults to be seen in movie theaters and knowing that the kids would love them unconditionally. To fully appreciate the humor in some of these cartoons you must understand the time peroid in which they were made. For example when watching Rabbit Hood (1949) it helps to know who Errol Flynn was, then again cultural literacy is required to fully appreciate any art form.

About sixteen years ago I was talking to a friend and fellow Toon Head about our favorite cartoons. During this time many of the cartoons we liked as kids were being re-edited to remove some of the more violent (like the use of easily assessable sticks of dynamite) or raciest (Bugs & Elmer in Black Face) content. Sometimes the cartoon would come off looking like a bunch of set-ups with no punch line. We both felt that the stations should show the cartoon in its entirety or not show it at all if they were deemed inappropriate for younger viewers (we were yet not using the term Politically Correct). We started to talk about some of the cartoons from the World War II era that were on longer being aired. These cartoons after all were appropriate for us when we were kids. I remembered one cartoon where Bugs Bunny goes battles Hermann Georing Herr Meets Hare (1945). And another where Popeye and Bluto put their differences aside to fight the enemy Seein' Red, White 'n' Blue (1943). There was version of the 3 Pigs where the third pig is Sgt. Pork called Blitz Wolf (1942). There were a few other titles that I omitted so not to offend.

My friend found a video titled Bugs and Daffy: The Wartime Cartoons. The tape features 11 cartoons (Including "Herr meets Hare") from Warner Bros. directors Friz Freleng, Bob Clampett, and Chuck Jones. Leonard Maltin narrates in between the cartoons providing the proper historical perspective.

I later found Toons At War (Featuring "Seein' Red, White 'n' Blue" and "Blitz Wolf"). The tape is not of the best quality but contains some very hard to find titles, the titles on their own could be considered offensive.

Later on I would find Cartoon Crazys Goes to War featuring cartoons that are a must for any WWII cartoon collectors including one featuring the Man Of Steel "Superman - Eleventh Hour (1942)", and three "Private SNAFU" cartoons Spies (1943), Booby Traps (1944), and Snafuperman (1944).

Although I never saw these cartoons on TV as a child, Walt Disney Treasures - On the Front Lines is also a must for WWII cartoon collectors. This DVD set features what was believed to be lost, Victory Through Air Power (1943).

I do agree that these cartoons are no longer appropriate for small children, just like I don’t think small children should see "The Amos 'n Andy Show" (1951) or movies like The Birth of a Nation (1915). I do believe that these classics cartoon, TV shows and Movies need to be preserved and even shown to high school students as part of their social studies class. In the last few years while I’m trying to add these cartoons to my own personal collection there have been others who seem to feel that these cartoons should never be seen by anyone anywhere. In the late 1990s there were a series of Looney Tunes & Merrie Melodies cartoons released on Laser Disk (remember those?). On the disk that highlighted the 1940s there were some of the war time cartoons. Anti-defamation groups protested claiming saying that they were offended that these cartoons were being sold to children. I’m more offended by the narrow-minded point of view that all cartoons are "Kid Friendly". Ever hear of Fritz the Cat (1972)? If the retailers stuck everything animated in the children’s section, then shame on them. In 2001 the Cartoon Network had planed to show some of Bugs Bunny’s wartime cartoon as part of their "June Bugs" marathon celebrating Bugs’ birthday. Even though the wartime cartoons were going to be shown in the late night hours, the cable network later decided to remove the cartoons from their lineup so not to offend. The Cartoon Network was able to show Peace on Earth (1939). This cartoon looks like the supporting cast of Bambi (1942) were in a scene from All Quiet on the Western Front (1930). Two baby squirrels ask their grandfather, "what are men" when he comes in singing "peace on earth, goodwill to men". Their Grandpa tells them the story of man's last war with graphic detail. This short was nominated for the 1939 Nobel Peace Prize. Several of the animators who worked on this cartoon were veterans of the First World War, and had experienced combat similar to that depicted in the film. Ironically, they would be working on wartime propaganda cartoons two years later. Amazon.com: Video: MGM Cartoon Christmas-Peace on (1936).

Peace on Earth

To quote Leonard Maltin from Bugs and Daffy: The Wartime Cartoons, "If we couldn't blitz Adolph Hitler and Benito Mussolini out of existence, well at least we could laugh at their expense. Make them look ridiculous which the animators found very easy to do. And if these lampoons seem broad or heavy handed at times, remember most American moviegoers had a big stake in this war. Loved ones and friends who were fighting overseas. It must have helped to be able to tweak the nose of the bad guy every now and then".

Stay Tuned


Tony Figueroa

You Are Better Than That. (Click PODCAST)

I don't watch to many comedians on TV anymore. It's funny (if I can even use that term) because it was TV that introduced me to stand up comedy in the first place. I was inspired by Robin Williams on Mork & Mindy, Steve Martin on Saturday Night Live and every comedian who ever appeared on the Mike Douglas or Dinah Shore Show (Johnny Carson was past my bedtime). Today I see way to many comedians go for cheap laughs or punch lines that I can see coming from a mile away. I hear the set-up and I either blurt the punch line out loud (with 90% accuracy) or I'll visualize a landing crew guiding the joke into the terminal of comedic brilliance only to see it crash and burn on the tarmac of the lowest common denominator. When I started doing stand-up and went for a cheap or easy laugh, there was always one of the old timers who would pull me aside and say, "What the hell were you doing on stage? That's beneath you. You are better than that".

My favorite comedians to watch are the ones who do topical or political humor. Some of my favorite political comedians on TV currently include Bill Maher, John Stewart and Lewis Black. I was listening recently to a 1968 interview with Johnny Carson on comedy. Johnny Carson On Comedy CD - AUDIO ONLY He spoke of comedians who did political humor and warned that there is a fine line between doing topical comedy and a being a social commentator. That’s when you stop being funny. At the time Mr. Carson was referring to Mort Sahl who's comedy shifted after the assassination of J.F.K. I brought the subject up to a group of friends and other names came up in the conversation like Lenny Bruce, Dick Gregory, Tommy Smothers and Janeane Garofalo. The most talked about comedian was one of my favorite comedians for years, Dennis Miller. Whether it was his "Weekend Update" on SNL, His short lived "The Dennis Miller Show", and especially "Dennis Miller Live" on HBO. He took ranting to an art form, and his Emmys were well deserved. In my humble opinion the secret to his success was his pragmatism. He told everybody they were full of crap. With Dennis no one was safe not even the people he liked. To me proof that he was on the right track was when I would hear conservatives say that he was too liberal and liberals say that he was too conservative. Another thing I liked about Dennis is that he valued free speech and enjoyed engaging in a dialogue even with people who disagreed with him. All successful comedians have a point of view and most comedy is based in truth (or what is believed to be true). Now I don't mean to get off on a Rant here, but what happened to you Dennis? When he started his short lived CNBC show he decided not to do any jokes at the expense of the president and chose to present a Republican point of view. He like the comedians of the 1960s were changed by the events of their times. Some comedians loose their comedic edge while others like George Carlin achieve brilliance.

I’ve said it before. On 9/11, and I hate to bring up that date, but on 9/11 we were grieving, we were scared and we were angry. I've dealt with grief in the past but there was always someone there to help keep my emotions in check and made sure I never lost my sense of humor. But on 9/11 not only were 3000 people killed, but those responsible tried to demoralize us, kill our spirit and our sense of humor (they have no sense of humor themselves). Comedians did face an incredible challenge trying to find what could be joked about while knowing that America needed to laugh again. But if comedians say anything that is mocking or criticizing the current administration they could be considered treasonous or just down right Un-American. Lets not forget that our country was founded by longhaired, hemp smoking revolutionaries who were sick and tired of the status quo. Our sense of humor is not dead, it’s just in a chokehold, and its time to break out of it. The great comedians know that with comedy comes risk and danger. The comedians from the 1960s knew this, and some paid a great price thus paving the way for today’s comedians explore new forms of comedy. I encourage today’s comedians not to go for a cheap or easy laugh. Take a risk... but remember to be funny because, you are better than that.

To quote Dennis Miller, "Of course that's just my opinion, I could be wrong".

Stay Tuned


Tony Figueroa

Another Quick Note to "The Parents Television Council". RE: Robert Novak

Dear PTC,

I saw Robert Novak use profanity describing bovine excrement on the air. CNN Daily News Clips :Novak Swears, Walks Off Set I immediately went to your site expecting to read a tirade from someone and found nothing. I think you should go after Robert Novak with the same zeal you had when you went after Paris Hilton.

Waiting for the fall. (Click PODCAST)

What does this "Child of Television" do during summer? Well strangely enough I haven’t been spending a lot of my time watching summer reruns. In the past summers had been that time I could give a show a second chance, but this summer it seems that I have better things to do than to watch TV. Contrary to popular belief I do not watch that much more TV than the average American. I have a day job, a real job that exploits my knowledge of Television but won’t let me watch TV on the clock. As I say in my Pre-ramble, "I read books, and not just the ones that Oprah tells me to". At the start of every summer I give myself a reading list, then I kick myself when I don’t get through all of the books that I want to have read by labor day. I have a stack of DVDs just staring at me, taunting me and I’m kicking myself because I haven’t gotten through all the DVDs that I had planed to watch by Labor Day (At the top of that stack is the Till Death Us Do Part Collection the British series that inspired All in the Family. When I’m done watching that I'll go find a copy of Steptoe and Son the British series that inspired Sanford and Son).

I do spend a great deal of my time writing. When I’m not at home in front of my computer, you may see me around town taking notes on my PDA. Not only do I write articles for my CHILD OF TELEVISION Blog and Podcast (where many of the articles will later get posted at Blogcritics.org) I sometimes post my two cents on Amanda Toering’s SpeakSpeak News Blog. I am always working on what I am sure will be the next great Sit-Com Pilot (I just started number four). About every other week or so I write and perform an original story at the STORY SALON on Wednesday nights (Listen to last Wednesday’s story The Fluffer Story.mp3). In fact my wife Donna and I are doing an evening of story telling on Friday, August 26 at the Coffee Fix 12508 Moorpark St Across from Studio City Library in Studio City, CA.

When I’m doing stuff around the house I always have the TV on. It’s my idea of multitasking. This Summer I find that the dial is usually set to TV Land or another cable channel that shows classic TV shows. For some reason I can see the "Walnut" episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show, the "Tribble" episode of STAR TREK, or the "Sammy Davis Jr." episode of All in the Family over and over and over again. I can’t say the same for many of the shows that are currently on the air. There were shows this past season that really liked watching but just didn’t care to see them again in reruns. I always hear that topical shows don’t have any longevity, but how do you explain All in the Family’s success 35 years later. I think I can sum it up in three words, QUALITY, INTELIGENCE and RISK. Can the networks sum it up? Feel free to use as many words as you need.

To quote Alfred Hitchcock, "You needn’t stand there staring. We’re not going to show you any more. In fact, I’m not even going to tell you what happened. Televisions audiences are becoming entirely too dependent".

Stay Tuned


Tony Figueroa

O Brothers, Where Art Thou? (Click PODCAST)

Tom & Dick Smothers

Last December I wrote an article titled "Where’s Norman Lear now that we need him?" where I said,

"Where are today’s Norman Lears, Larry Gelbarts and Susan Harriss? People who used comedy to talk about war, prejudice, and the issues of the day". Now don't shout out your answers, it’s a rhetorical question. I know where they are. They're telling stories in coffeehouses. They're making underground comedy albums that make fun of the current administration. They're in 99 seat houses doing controversial plays. They’re everywhere just not on TV. Why? Some say that it’s the dumming down of the TV viewer who would rather see a bikini clad girl in a tank filled with electric eels or a guy eating goat testicles than something that requires them to think. In the process, this puts talented actors and writers out of work. Others feel that in this current political climate anything topical especially when it is mocking or criticizing the current administration is considered dissent, treasonous or just down right Un-American. We can debate this forever, but the third and most practical reason is that this is a business and topical sit-coms do not do well in syndication where the money is."

The closest thing that I have found to Norman Lear, Larry Gelbart or Susan Harris on the air today is Seth MacFarlane the creator/writer/director, and voice of Peter, Stewie, Brian, Quagmire, Tom Tucker, and various background characters on the animated TV series Family Guy. Seth MacFarlane is also the creator/writer/director and voice of Stan, Roger, and various background characters on the animated TV series American Dad!. Did I mention these were animated TV shows? Don’t get me wrong, I like these shows and I love cartoons (In fact I’m surprised that I have not dedicated a column just to animation). I just want to see this type of cutting edge comedy on live action TV. These two shows also made the Parents Television Council "Worst TV Show of the Week" list.
Family Guy - Worst Family TV Shows of the Week
American Dad on Fox - Worst Family TV Shows of the Week
Making the PTC "Worst TV Show of the Week" list is like being on Nixon’s Hit List.

Speaking of being on Nixon’s "Hit List", I was watching a documentary titled Smothered: The Censorship Struggles of the Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. Here are two people who fall under the category of "People who used comedy to talk about war, prejudice, and the issues of the day". For some if you mention the Smothers Brothers they will think of Tommy’s famous punch line, "Mom liked you best" or the Yo Yo man. Others may look at the Smothers Brothers the same way they look at Lenny Bruce, seeing the controversy over the content. This documentary covers the life of a show that CBS could easily put together in a short amount of time and stick in the Sunday night 9PM death slot against "Bonanza" on NBC. Since the network did not have a great deal of faith in the show success in that death slot, they gave Tom Smothers creative control. Long story short, Tommy decides to go for broke and tries to do something different from other Comedy Variety shows of the time by hiring writers (including Stan Burns, Bob Einstein, Mike Marmer, Steve Martin, Lorenzo Music, Rob Reiner, Murray Roman , Norman Sedawie and Mason Williams ) who were outspoken members of the counterculture movement. Tommy invited counterculture musical guests like Pete Seeger (singing "Knee Deep in the Big Muddy") Jefferson Airplane, the Doors and Joan Baez (who wanted to dedicate a song to her draft-resisting husband who was about to go to prison for his political views). The show also had a cast of regulars including Pat Paulsen, Leigh French as Goldie O'Keefe (Share a Little Tea with Goldie) and Bob Einstein as Officer Judy. Whenever something on the show got censored, The Brothers went to the press and let America know what they missed. Just to make things more confusing, the shows hosts were two clean cut looking "All-American" boys (and what could be more "All American" than defending free speech.) On stage Tommy played the simpleton, but in reality he was the brains of the outfit. And "Establishment" entertainers like Kate Smith, Bob Hope, Jack Benny George Burns and Jimmy Durante supported the show by being on it. The closest thing that I have found to The Smothers Brothers today is "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart". Even SNL’s or MAD TV’s edge is not nearly as sharp.

The documentary also highlights a skit that the censors cut featuring Tommy and Elaine May as two censors. I contacted the people at the Smothers Brothers Home Page and asked if there was a copy of the skit anywhere. They answered with,

"There were actually three skits recorded for the same show but they didn't air due to censorship. Tom and Dick would love to see The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour shows rerun on television and/or released on home video/dvd. So far we have been unable to arrange this because of the high upfront residual and music publishing costs. We'll keep on trying and when we're successful, we'll announce it on the Home Page of our website at www.smothersbrothers.com. The Elaine May skits will definitely be included in any new releases."

I look forward to seeing these shows on DVD and think that they could be a great teaching tool when covering 1960s America. If you think that I am exaggerating, just remember the show has historical significance that goes beyond television because they ran Pat Paulsen for president.

Finally there is a fundamental rule that I should add to my list of Comedy Grievances and that is to remind people that they should never piss off Humorists (that includes Comedians, Comedy Writers or Cartoonist) because they will always have the last laugh.

To quote Tommy Smothers, "The ultimate censorship is the flick of the dial."

Stay Tuned


Tony Figueroa

The Beauty of The Munsters & The Addams Family. (Click PODCAST)

I do not want to repeat my Blake vs. Potter debate, but comparing "The Addams Family" to "The Munsters" is like comparing "Laverne & Shirley" to "Cagney & Lacey". Other than the fact that these were macabre sit-coms mocking the nuclear families that were on the air at the time, these two shows and families were very different. For example if Eddie Munster (Butch Patrick) wanted to join the Boy Scouts his parents Herman & Lily (Fred Gwynne and Yvonne De Carlo) would be thrilled where as if Pugsley Addams (Ken Weatherwax) wanted to join the Boy Scouts his parents Gomez & Morticia (John Astin & Carolyn Jones) would be mortified and hope that this was just a phase. If there was an explosion in Grandpa’s (Al Lewis) laboratory, it would be an accident with humorous consequences, where as if there was an explosion in Uncle Fester's (Jackie Coogan) room, it would be expected and encouraged behavior. If Herman got sick he would go to his family doctor (Paul Lynde) who had just sent his eyeglasses out to be repaired. The doctor would then perform Herman's entire examination with out being able to see him and receiving the repaired glasses in time to say goodbye then mayhem ensues. If Gomez got sick he would contact his family which doctor and because of his massive wealth he did not have to worry about whether or not the which doctor was covered under his HMO.

The Addams Family

THE ADDAMS FAMILY debuted on ABC on September 18 1964, and ran through September 2, 1966. The show was based on Charles Addams' dark, warped and funny comic strip created for the "New Yorker" magazine. Charles Addams named the characters for the TV show. The episodes were written by Nat Perrin who had written several Marx Brothers movies. (Come to think of it Gomez had some Groucho Marx qualities). One of my favorite elements of the show was the brilliant use of sound effects like in the days of radio comedy, thus requiring the audience to use their imagination. An example of this was when a houseguest saw Kitty (a lion). All you heard was a roar followed by a running sound effect followed by a door slam. In fact I would love to perform some of the old TV show scripts as a radio comedy. The show mocked other TV families by being their polar opposite. This family would do everything from sword fight to blowing up model trains in the middle of their own living room. If "Fear Factor" was around then, they would have the home version. I don't think anybody knew where John Aston began and Gomez ended. Everything gave him a rush and his love for Morticia can only be described as horney monogamy. With all the craziness the show had moral high ground. Not only did you see a loving family where the parents were not afraid to show affection in front of the kids, you got to see so called "normal people" compromise their principles in order to do business with Gomez followed by humorous consequences.

The Munsters

THE MUNSTERS debuted on CBS on September 24, 1964 and ran through September 1, 1966.
This show mocked other TV families by having a family of classic movie monsters emulate them. The show was developed, written, and produced by Joe Connelly and Bob Mosher (The same team created, wrote and produced "Leave It to Beaver"). The Show is a brilliant mix of three key ingredients.

1. The classic Universal Studios Monsters from the 1930 & 40's (that were finding a whole new audience thanks to Saturday Matinee "Creature Features" on TV)
   
2. The placing of these monsters in the world of "Leave it to Beaver" (In fact the Munster's house is still across the street from the Cleaver's house on the Universal Back Lot only now "Desperate Housewives" have moved in).
   
3. The "Normal People" reactions to our family similar to those seen in Casper cartoons.

The patriarch is the Frankenstein monster who married Dracula's daughter and live in the states as an "Typical American Family". There is more to Herman than a big stupid baby who throws tantrums by saying, "Darn! Darn! Darn! Darn!" Here is a character that is the Frankenstein monster, but he really thinks he is Fred MacMurray from "My Three Sons". Fred Gwynne could deliver Ward Cleaver (Hugh Beaumont) type dialogue totally straight and was incredibly funny doing it. He was also able to play the stooge to Al Lewis in one scene, and then straight man to guest stars Paul Lynde or Harvey Korman in another. Al Lewis' Grandpa was and will always the most unique interpretation of the Dracula character since Bram Stoker first created him. Again I don't know where Al Lewis begins and Grandpa AKA The Count AKA Sam Dracula (I guess the guys at Ellis Island could not spell Vladimir) ends. Like Dracula he has found immortality. On April 30th he turned 95 years old.

Because of the macabre settings of the show, I think the writers were able to slip things under the censor’s radar. The wild look in Gomez’s eyes when he and Morticia played with whips and chains came very close to S&M. "The Munsters" did jokes about Vietnam, nuclear war and drugs. Herman & Lily were also the first TV couple to sleep in the same bed while Gomez & Morticia had twin beds of nails.

Grandpa: Hmm. What smells so good?
Herman: I cut myself shaving.

Morticia: Think of Romeo and Juliet.
Gomez: They died!
Morticia: Oh, but what fun they had those last three days.

Stay Tuned


Tony Figueroa

Beam me up.

James Doohan
1920 - 2005

Thanks to this man I always multiply estimates by a factor of four. Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

Kirk: How long to re-fit?
Scotty: Eight weeks. But you don't have eight weeks, so I'll do it for you in two.
Kirk: Do you always multiply your repair estimates by a factor of four?
Scotty: How else to maintain my reputation as a miracle worker?
Kirk: Your reputation is safe with me.

Still my favorite Scotty quote is Scotty explaining how he got rid of the tribbles in Star Trek Episode 42, The Trouble with Tribbles, "Just before they went into warp, I beamed the whole kit and kaboodle into their engine room, where they'll be no tribble at all."

Good Night Mr. Doohan. Your reputation is safe with me too.

Stay Tuned

Tony Figueroa