Friday, February 04, 2005


Let me repeat a portion of my "Pre-Ramble"

When I was born people had breakfast with Barbara Walters, dinner with Walter Cronkite, and slept with Johnny Carson.

That statement dates me. There is now a whole new generation that doesn't get that statement. To them Johnny Carson was the guy who just died, Barbara Walters is the older woman on "The View" and Walter Who? When I mention Freddie Prinze they think that he's the guy who married Buffy. They didn’t understand why I was bothered last year when Captain Kangaroo's (Bob Keeshan) passing was given a ten second mention on the entertainment news shows while ten minutes was dedicated to the Ben & J.Lo break up. I tried in vain to explain that Captain Kangaroo was to children's television what Johnny Carson was to late night television. Around that same time we were discussing production beginning on "Meet the Fockers". I mentioned that it would have been cool if Ben Stiller's real parents (Jerry Stiller & Ann Mera) played the Fockers. A fifteen-year-old girl asked, "Ben Stiller's parents are famous?" I explained that Jerry Stiller on "The King of Queens" and Ann Mera who was recently on "Sex in the City" are Ben Stiller's parents. They used to be part of a comedy team called "Stiller & Mera". I got no response. I then mentioned that they were as big as Nichols & May (Mike Nichols and Elaine May). Still no response. They appeared regularly on The Ed Sullivan Show. Again no response. I was told that I spoke with Dennis Miller obscurity. It's frustrating that the generation that succeeded mine doesn’t care about anything that happened before they were born. Hey, I wasn't alive during World War II, but I know who won.

The other frustrating part about being a Child of Television turning forty, besides looking at how old the guys from "Happy Days" are now - Happy Days 30th Anniversary Reunion, is what I call the "Gilmore Girls" factor. Recently I met this young girl who was 18-19 years old. She was wearing very tight jeans, T-shirt, and looking very hot. A few minutes later I met her mother, dressed the same way, equally hot. I realized, I'm more attracted to the mom than to the daughter. How did that happen? I then realized the mom is my age. Oh my God, I'm old enough to be that girl's father. If I were that girl's father, I wouldn't let her leave the house dressed that way. Doesn't she know that there are forty-year-old men staring at her? What the hell just happened to me? I know that age is cruel, but this is hitting below the belt.

To quote Jennifer Aniston in a recent interview, "Forty is the new Thirty", and 4 out of 5 "Desperate Housewives" agree.

Stay Tuned

Tony Figueroa

PS: Since my birthday falls on "Super Bowl Sunday" I might miss the game and half time show. If anything scandalous should happen, please keep me a breast.
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