Monday, May 02, 2005

Married to a Child of Television. (Click PODCAST)

When my wife and I were dating, it would not be unusual to make a "date" out of a "Gilligan’s Island" marathon, but back then we were young and broke. The longer we’re married, the more our tastes in television grow apart. For example, I enjoy watching the news, but she finds it too depressing. In the time we’ve been together, we went from, "I’ll watch whatever you want to watch, honey", to her actually heckling the stuff I like to watch.

When I have insomnia, I sometimes turn on those after hour’s movies on cable, you know, the ones showing the works of that notable thespian Shannon Tweed. Now, in all fairness, Ms. Tweed puts out - a good product. Personally, I prefer the earlier work she did with Mark Singer as opposed to her later work with Andrew Stephens. Since all these movies all have to have these obligatory gratuitous nude scenes which I think really slows down the plot, my wife always feels the need to point out the silicone, "Fake! Those are fake. Those are so fake." Like I care. "They don't move they just stay there. Why is she in the shower again?"

One of the shows my wife likes that I don’t care for is "A Baby’s Story" on The Learning Channel (TLC). It’s a reality show that covers the final weeks before birth. When that comes on, my wife gets the nesting urge and I have to leave the room. It’s not the bloody parts that get me, I’ll watch a heart bypass on "The Operation" while eating rigatoni in marinara sauce. But I can’t watch the touchy feely stuff where the husbands are all nice and sweet, rubbing the wife’s feet and doing all that stuff that makes the rest of us look bad. It’s not fair to us because that guy on TV is whipped, I mean, wiped out. His resistance is broken and, HELLO he’s on TV. Of course he’s gonna be good. Usually after my wife watches "A Baby’s Story" on TLC, she gets what I call baby fever. Then whenever we walk by a Baby Gap, which doesn't sell baby clothes, just miniture adult clothes, she gets all, Oh, "that’s so cute, it’s so little". Then we see a cute baby in the stroller sleeping, emphasis on the word, sleeping. Then she goes, "I want one". Finally, the baby fever breaks when we are either at the movies or on an airplane. Now it makes sense why the airlines charge $5.00 for the headsets to see the in-flight movie. That’s the same price of a ticket for a matinee movie. Which we all know is the screaming babies’ natural habitat. Once the crying concerto starts, she goes, "That’s it. I want my tubes tied".

A Child of Television can only marry another Child of Television and even though our taste grow apart, sometimes it’s still fun to make a date out of a "Gilligan’s Island" marathon.

Instead of a quote I’ll just say, "Happy 12th Anniversary to my beautiful wife Donna".

Stay Tuned

Tony Figueroa

P.S. No TV Tonight.
Post a Comment